The Battles You Can’t See

I live with severe anxiety—both social and general. It’s not just being nervous. It’s my heart pounding like I’m in danger when I’m only walking into a grocery store. It’s overthinking every word I say, convinced people are judging me. It’s sweating through my shirt before I’ve even opened my mouth.

Depression is just as brutal. It makes everyday life feel impossible. Some mornings, even brushing my teeth feels like running a marathon. Depression isn’t sadness—it’s emptiness. It’s feeling like nothing matters, like I’m moving through life with no color, no energy, no reason.

On top of that, I can’t remember the last time I slept well. Chronic insomnia keeps me awake while the world rests. My body is exhausted, but my mind refuses to shut down. I lie in the dark, replaying every fear and every regret, until the sun comes up and I’m already drained before the day has even started.

Trauma adds another layer I never asked for. PTSD and CPTSD keep me carrying the past into the present. A sound, a smell, a tone of voice can rip me back into memories I wish I could bury. My body reacts before I can even process it—shaking, crying, shutting down. Trauma doesn’t ask permission; it just shows up and takes over.

And then there’s ADHD. My mind runs like a browser with too many tabs open. I start ten things and finish none. I lose focus, forget what I was doing, and spiral into frustration. It feels like my brain is always racing but never reaching the finish line.

Living with all of this at once is exhausting. It’s a war I fight inside myself every single day that no one else can see. Some days I manage to push through. Some days I just survive. But either way, I’m still here.

And that matters. Because every time I wake up—every time I choose to keep fighting—I prove my strength. I may carry anxiety, depression, trauma, and sleepless nights, but I also carry resilience. I carry survival. I carry a determination that even my darkest days couldn’t kill.

I am still here. And that means I still have a chance to heal, to grow, to build the life I deserve.